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  Jonathan Cainer - Astrology or waffle? 

See what others say:

http://drek.org/best/nigel_cainer_expose.html 

http://www.ex-premie.org/best/guardianarticle.htm 

http://observer.guardian.co.uk/comment/story/0,6903,1243121,00.html

  

My challenge to Jonathan Cainer [so far unanswered] Here.

Jonathan's Astrological services.

 Jonathan's 'Personal Profile' is a computer generated fake.

This is what he says:

Do you want to know what the future holds for you?
Is there a big issue rising up in your life?
Have you got a pressing question?
Are you wrestling with a difficult dilemma?
You need to know what's happening in your full birth chart.
Jonathan's instant PERSONAL PREDICTION service provides this facility, in full detail for a fraction of the price you would normally pay for a person consultation with an astrologer.

Don't be fooled - this is yet another cheap computer printout, Cainer gets the office staff to churn them out and never even sees them. 

In the days before they decided not to answer my e-mails I did manage to get Cainer's staff to admit that his 'Spookily accurate' reports were computer generated. I mention it only to make it obvious that if you thought you were getting a report directly from the pen of Jonathan Cainer you would be mistaken. Although Cainer states that he has written all the interpretations himself it doesn't alter the fact that is just a list of planets and interpretations cobbled together like everyone else does. Cainer never sees the reports - they are all churned out by office staff. 

Would it be too much trouble to put actual sample reports on site so that we can all see what we are getting? Even the cowboys do this. Until then we have no idea if the right standards have been fed into the computer, such as correct House system, orbs, etc.  

'Let me read your Tarot Cards'. 

You will now see Cainer's offer to read your Tarot cards his website - but will he really do this? The answer is definitely no. Instead, all you will get is a computer program giving you ready made answers. Consider this: As this service is offered 24/7 - it is physically impossible for Cainer to sit around shuffling cards just for you, so all you get is a third rate 'reading' using a computer program that accesses data contained in a data base. The fact that you are paying for a personal service and perhaps need answers to pressing questions would seem to be of little consequence. Avoid it at all costs.

Cosmic Ordering by Jonathan Cainer.

His latest money-making venture is to write a book on Cosmic Ordering which, according to Cainer, basically means that all you have to do is ask the Universe and your every wish will be granted. Ask yourself this: If what he is saying is correct then why would he want to sell the book? Surely if his methods work he would be only too glad to share the secrets with everyone for free. Come to think of it, if all he has to do is ask the Cosmos for his every need why doesn't he just give away his [useless] 'spookily accurate' reports, or do Free Tarot readings? Why does he need to run a business anyway? 

The answer is that his methods don't work. Take it from me I have seen all this before in various books all promising the same thing. By now huge sections of the world's population should be rich beyond their wildest dreams and all their problems should be solved - but they haven't been. The only people, save the odd one here and there, to get rich are the authors. What makes matters worse is that this book appears to be merely reiterating what has already been said in the original work - so what is the motive other than jumping on the bandwagon in order to make more money? Avoid this. 

Cosmic Ordering - How to get rich without effort

Britain's self-styled 'Leading Astrologer' has decided to abandon Astrology for a while to take a week off to write a book on Cosmic Ordering. A week! Most writers take months or even years. 

There are hundreds of self help books on the market promising great things for little or no effort, and what has been the outcome? Well, practically nothing in real terms, other than huge profits for the authors, which adds up to the sad fact that either the people reading them are not applying the methods given or the methods themselves are seriously flawed. I think it is fair to say that both are likely. So why do we need another one? Is it that Cainer is genuinely trying to be helpful, or is it that this is yet another money-making scheme with lots of publicity to bask in. I could better understand the motives if Cainer had come up with the idea all by himself,  but he hasn't; all he is doing is latching on to the work of someone else and cashing in on the craze - a craze that like all the others will eventually fade away. 

If you want to read the original works from which all the others descended, get hold of The Power of Positive Thinking by Norman Vincent Peal or Think and Grow Rich by Napoleon Hill. Cosmic Ordering offers nothing new, and I doubt if Cainer's 7 day effort does either. Don't waste your money. 

Latest: One would think that after listening to Jonathan's huge enthusiasm for Cosmic Ordering and his absolute belief that it can and will work wonders for everyone who reads his book that he would have published a huge list of delighted people telling him of their miraculous good fortune. So far not one comment has ever been published on his web site. Given that Cainer is not one to shrink from publicity or back away from showing all and sundry just how good he is, don't you think it rather strange? I wonder what the thousands of people who purchased this book really think? 

Jonathan's 'absolutely free' horoscope. 

If you have seen the advert on Channel 5 you were no doubt impressed by the sight of someone actually drawing up a birth chart while the words, "Jonathan Cainer will personally draw up an intimately detailed, entertaining, 120 page personal horoscope based on your own time and place of birth". In actual fact it is physically impossible for Cainer to do this unless he only has a handful of charts to deal with. It takes about an hour to calculate and draw just one chart and much longer to do the interpretations. What people are actually getting is a computer generated report of ready made interpretations that can be churned out in minutes. Granted the 'interpretations' may have been written by Cainer but in my opinion the advert is still misleading. 

This horoscope, also described as ‘absolutely free’ in the Daily Mail, is nothing of the kind. In order to get it you have to acquire 35 tokens, which by rough reckoning means buying a copy of the Daily mail for the next five weeks at between 40p and 70p each. No tokens - no horoscope. Not exactly 'Free' is it? 

The Sedna scam. 

King of the Sun Sign cowboys - Jonathan Cainer - has just launched his Free 2005 Personal Horoscope for 2005 containing predictions for the new 'planet' Sedna. It isn't free, you have to buy 35 copies of the Daily Mail to get it. It isn't 'personal' because each one is generated by a computer then churned out by unskilled office staff - Cainer never sees any of them. And as for Sedna, that supposed new planet, I can't imagine where his predictions are coming from because it takes skilled astrologers years, if not decades, of observations to arrive at the correct interpretations, yet Cainer appears to have done it in a few months! In any case, scientists now agree that Sedna is NOT a planet, it is a planetoid, one of thousands existing in the Solar System. Don't waste your money.  

Jonathan Cainer's daft predictions.

The Sun Venus predictions. 

Sun - Venus configurations occurring in the heavens are of little significance and are quite easily overshadowed by aspects between the heavier planets, yet according to Jonathan Cainer it is one of the most important astrological events in history and will have a major impact on our lives, thereby ignoring astrological fact. Furthermore, he goes on to say:

1. It will work wonders for women and that they will be honoured for the contribution they make. A little vague don’t you think?

2. A female revolution in the next few years. I think you will find it has already been going on for a decade or so.

3. A more loving, giving world? With Pluto entering Capricorn in a few years time I really don’t think so. In any case, why didn’t any of the previous transits bring this about?

4. A female President of the USA? When, may I ask? [Didn’t Russell Grant say this first?].

5. In the past, says Cainer, this transit has often coincided with the sudden arrival of exceptionally wise, powerful, noteworthy women. Exactly who, for instance?

Next - How to find your Venus Sign, complete with tables and interpretations. May I ask what on earth the Sign in which Venus happens to be in at birth has to do with this Venus -Sun conjunction? Unless the conjunction forms an aspect to your own Venus it is to all intents and purposes irrelevant and serves only to fill out the pages of a newspaper. 

New 'planets'.

King of the Sun Sign cowboys - Jonathan Cainer has decided [against all scientific opinion] that Sedna is the latest buzzword and has proceeded to make all manner of silly claims as to its effects. Like other daft predictions this one is also doomed to failure. Sedna in NOT a planet, nor does it have any place in the Astrological scheme - cloud-cuckoo-land, perhaps? 

The Lunar Standstill. 

This is typical of uninformed Astrologers who fail to realise that such events carry little or no weight - they are a non-starter as far as accurate predictions go. To make predictions, such as; There will be more floods, storms, earthquakes and eruptions but less so than last year, or the worst outrages of the 21st century are already behind us is plain silly. To further imply that our new year resolutions have a better chance of coming true beggars belief. This is not Astrology - it is fantasy, as time will show. 

Lottery win prediction?

Wednesday's Daily Mail featured a large article on the so-called prediction of a lottery win for a Mr. Gareth Cooper, a Cancer subject by Sun Sign Cowboy Jonathan Cainer. By accident or design they failed to consider the statistics, so I will give them here. 

There are approximately 60 million people in this country, so if we divide this by the number of Zodiac Signs we get roughly 5 million people per Sign. As this was a prediction for all Cancerians, would Cainer or the Daily Mail explain to us why the remaining 5 million Cancer subjects didn't win. Perhaps I am missing something here, but did Cainer predict this just for Mr. Cooper? No, of course not, it was just one of his run of the mill predictions. 

So what is all the fuss about? Selling newspapers - that's what.

Harmonic concordance. 

King of the Sun Sign cowboys Jonathan Cainer is going over the top making rash predictions about the so-called Harmonic Concordance that occurs today [1st October] in which certain planets are conjoined by quintile aspects forming a pentagram shape. Quintiles are highly speculative and so not used by most astrologers. The last configuration produced no results, and I can confidently predict that this one will do the same. He also states that babies born over the next few days will have specific qualities etc. This is a rather strange prediction when the actual configuration lasts only a few hours! 

And more...

The Harmonic Concordance and cloud cuckoo land. 

King of the Sun Sign cowboys Jonathan Cainer is still insisting that thanks to this 'auspicious' sign the world is going to be a wonderful place soon. Try telling that to the residents of Boscastle, the people of Iraq, or the families of thousands of innocent people who perished in the recent tsunami. The phrase 'digging yourself into a hole' comes to mind. In the meantime the warmongers are gathering pace, people are still starving, and the rich continue to steal from the poor. I do wish that before people start making predictions they would consider all the facts instead of jumping on a single relatively insignificant configuration and blowing it up out of all proportion. 

His Latest 'prediction' - 'Soon the peace movement will pick up so much momentum that even the most furious and fanatical people start looking for ways to forgive, forget... and move on.' How blind can the man be to what is actually happening? I am still waiting for all the lovely things he predicted for the Sun-Venus conjunction... I suspect that Hell will freeze over first! 

Jonathan Cainer's latest 'prophecy'. 

 E-mail Jonathan. [And be completely ignored.]

I have spent several weeks monitoring Cainer's web site out of curiosity. In particular, my attention was drawn to 'On this Day' in which Cainer attempts to make predictions for a particular day based on what is happening in the heavens at that time. Any problems were queried by e-mail. 

The system appears to work like this. Between J.C. and the public lies a hard core of devotees who act as a human barrier, rather like those doctor's receptionists who feel it is their duty to defend the doctor with a 'none shall pass' attitude. E-mails appear to be divided into two categories: 

a] Those which are wholly complimentary [Dear Jonathan, your predictions are so wonderful, you have changed my life forever....]. These are marked urgent, read immediately and may even be reproduced on the Cainer web site. 

b] Those deemed to be troublesome, which are usually ignored. By troublesome, I mean asking a question about astrology that in any way, shape, or form appears to criticise J.C. or ask 'awkward' questions about astrology. If you persist, the answers you get back are unhelpful or even evasive.  Sometimes you are subjected to rudeness and sarcasm. See below.

During a period of 4 weeks I sent in 8 legitimate questions, 6 of which have been completely ignored, 1 claimed that Cainer was too busy to reply and 1 received a partial answer. It also took 8 reminders to get this far. 

I queried the fact that important configurations were being ignored [T-Squares, Mystic rectangles, etc], the selection of one planet over all of the others appeared to be based on whim and, far more importantly, that difficult aspects were always treated as if they were beneficial. 

My conclusion is that Cainer likes to present himself as everyone's friend spreading hope and joy throughout the land. You won't see a Cainer prediction hinting at problems - they are all banished. The real function of Astrology is to present the truth and all of the facts, not to sanitise interpretations for what appears to be personal gain. Cainer's predictions are seriously biased. 

Update: I am pleased to say that these ludicrous 'predictions' have now mysteriously disappeared. 

Example of the sort of e-mail you can expect from Jonathan Cainer if you dare ask the wrong questions. This reply came from a Vanessa Lawton. [Cainer couldn't be bothered to reply himself].

The reasons that you have not yet received a reply are:
1) We receive over 300 emails per day which we reply to in order of urgency.
Yours was not considered urgent.
2) The tone of your emails is always so rude.

I have asked Jonathan your question about the error in the On This Day, and
he tells me:

"There IS an alignment from Mercury to Neptune and Mars is NOT unaspected
but the aspects in question are ones they don't teach you till fifth year
astrology school
bi quintiles of 144 degrees"

Please feel free to write whatever report you like and post it on whatever
website you like.

Vanessa Lawton
for Jonathan Cainer 

In actual fact no sensible Astrologer uses quintiles and it certainly isn't part of any '5th year' curriculum that I know about. The way she complains about my e-mails being rude is laughable, especially considering the tone of hers, and I love the way she dares to give me permission to write articles on my own web site. This is how Cainer deals with tricky questions. 

 Summary of E-mails sent to 'E-Mail Jonathan'. 

16th June.  

In the Daily mail on the 16th of June Jonathan Cainer predicts that anyone born on that day would have a Mercury - Pluto opposition and would be 'blessed with a great depth of character'. This is quite wrong and flies in the face of established interpretations. In actual fact this configuration will actually serve to undermine the character rather than enhance it. The interpretation seems to be sanitised for public consumption. 

Examination of the chart revealed not one opposition but a triple opposition from Pluto involving the Sun, Venus, as well as Mercury. There is also a T-square on Venus. The overall effect is likely to be one of great suffering and emotional problems. 

Response: Evasive, eventually resulting in a curt reply stating that Cainer was too busy coping with the death of his wife [which happened 10 years ago] and looking after his family. He does however, find time to visit Pop festivals, go the Stonehenge for the Solstice, and even take a trip to Australia to watch a comet.  

17th June.

States that babies born today with a new Moon in their chart will be confident and secure on many levels and will enjoy a happy childhood. Fails to notice or take account of the fact that the New Moon is opposed by Pluto, indicating that the childhood will be subject to restrictive pressures and a harsh routine - which is hardly happy. It is a time bomb just waiting to go off. Also missed; the fact that this was part of a triple conjunction. 

Response: None. 

23rd June. 

Cainer focuses on ‘Mercury’s harmonious alignment to Neptune’. On checking the chart for today I find no such alignment exists. Also, there is a double T-square on Venus and, more importantly, an unaspected Mars - none of these are mentioned. 

Response: After many e-mails and a final complaint a response came back on the 8th July accusing me of being rude!  See above. Cainer claims he used biquintile aspects - these are rarely used even by professional astrologers . The question of the T-square on Venus still remains unanswered. 

1st July. 

Response: None. 

7th July. 

States that Venus in Gemini will make people keen to experiment with new ideas  Fails to mention that Venus is afflicted at the point of a T-square. Mentions that the Sun is approaching Saturn - fails to mention that this is part of a difficult Yod shape. 

Response: None. 

9th July.

Cainer likes to be known as 'The UK's leading astrologer'. I asked what were his qualifications for assuming this title. 

Response. None. 

19th July. 

Cainer states he is taking exams with the Faculty of Astrological Studies - no mention of passing or obtaining a certificate or diploma. I queried this. [See below].

Response.  None. 

Update: 

To date, dozens of e-mails have been sent to Cainer asking legitimate questions about his astrological methods and reasoning - none have been replied to. I have to conclude that the man simply doesn't know what he is talking about. Yet he still insists on calling himself 'Britain's Leading Astrologer'. I don't think so! 

 Recent examples of unanswered e-mail. 

Dear Jonathan. 

I notice you are once again exalting the virtues of the Moon - this time the so-called Lunar Standstill - despite the fact that no serious Astrologer would make the mistake of using minor events like this. Why is this? What has this got to do with New Year resolutions? 

You say we will all be lost in a fog of emotional elation that will deepen dramatically during 2006. Fine - but what exactly will happen? I am sure we would all like some details. 

No reply.

9th February 2006      
I cannot understand why you describe the actions of Neptune as  'passion and conflict'. Surely this is a mistake as these attributes are widely known to be more in keeping with Pluto. You then go on to say that the Jupiter Neptune square is responsible for the present culture clashes. Again, surely this is wrong because Neptune may deceive but it is never violent.
  
The correct interpretation according to the rules of Astrology is to produce confused thinking. I would expect to see oil prices being hiked up by some deceptive procedure. Travel could be adversely affected as well. Scandals in high places are also possible.
  
Your comments would be appreciated. 
   

6th March 2006.
You say that the technique of adding one day per year to the birth date is a Progression, in fact it is properly known as a Direction. The two should not be confused as they are quite different. You also state that you found the technique of little use, which is a surprise. Any genuine Astrologer knows full well that this is one of the most valuable aids to ascertaining future trends. Why do you dismiss it so lightly? 
  

27th March 2006.
Dear Jonathan. 
 Are you actually saying you really believe that Astrology is based in the strange idea that some invisible force emanates from each planet which subsequently affects the lives of we humans? Genuine Astrologers have never subscribed to this fallacy - we all know that Astrology is based on the SYMBOLIC correlation between planetary placements and human affairs.
  

10th March 2006.
Dear Jonathan.
I am responding to your comment in Thought for the Day which is : To an astrologer, though, this is a very superior, deeply auspicious alignment that confers "clarity of communication".
  
As an Astrologer I have to say that a mere Sun - Mercury conjunction is hardly 'deeply auspicious" - it happens several times a year. Owing to the fact that both bodies are classified as quick-moving, the effect of this is negligible.
Why is it that every time some small phenomenon occurs in the heavens you seem to inflate it out of all proportion?
  

1st April 2006. 
Dear Jonathan.
In today's Thought for the Day you say:
  
Powerful planetary changes insist we'll yet live to see a more relaxed, honest and trusting world...
  
Could you be more specific? Which planets and aspects are involved?

16 august 2006.

23 August 2006.

Hello Jonathan.

I note with interest that you have gone on record as saying:

Arguably, Charon, Pluto's Twin, co-governs Scorpio leaving Ceres for Virgo or Gemini and Xena for Taurus or Libra. Problem solved? Not quite. More Plutons are sure to be announced soon.

My readers and I would like to know what evidence you have for this, or is it all an assumption? 

 Jonathan's non-existent Astrology qualifications 

Cainer claims on his web site to have been a student of the Faculty - he doesn't go on to say that he passed any exams or gained any qualifications. Puzzled by this I contacted the Faculty who refused to confirm or deny that Cainer had been a student - 'We do not have a list of Diploma holders which is publicly available' was their reply. Since then they have ignored all my e-mails, which is not the way one would expect a body such as this to behave, in fact it amounts to sheer bad manners. I cannot see why there should be any secrecy, after all they are quite prepared to give the names of their current Diploma successes on their web site for all to see. 

Incidentally, the Faculty boasts that its diploma is 'Internationally recognised', and gives successful holders the right to append the letters D.F.Astrol.S after their name. I haven't seen Cainer use this appellation. Incidentally, astrological 'qualifications' such as this carry no legal recognition, even if you have spent hundreds of pounds getting one. 

Latest: If you had any doubts that my assertion that Jonathan Cainer has no Astrological qualifications and that his claims were false, have a look at this: 

Extract from Wikipedia

As a young man, Jonathan assiduously worked through the diploma course of the UK Faculty of Astrological Studies. When the final submission of course work was due on the Friday, his class were told they needn't hand their course-work in until the following Monday (this version of events was disputed by the Faculty at the time), giving them the weekend to polish the work. Whatever the facts, on the Monday Jonathan and three fellow students had their entries refused as it was three days past the deadline. The three other students retook the year and went on to pass their diplomas, but Jonathan got the strop and decided he would make good anyway, without the qualification! He started to write sun-sign columns, and went on to become one of the highest-earning astrologers of all time.

 Blunders. 

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